双语：闷骚狗与腹黑猫的爆笑生活日记

　　Excerpts from a Dog's Diary....。

　　摘自一只狗的生活日记……。

　　8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

　　上午8点-狗粮！我的最爱！

　　9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

　　上午9点30分-兜风！我的最爱！

　　9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

　　上午9点40分-公园遛我！我的最爱！

　　10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

　　上午10点30分-被主人抚摸和宠爱！我的最爱！

　　12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!

　　中午12点-午饭！我的最爱！

　　1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

　　中午1点-在院子里玩耍！我的最爱！

　　3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

　　下午3点-摇摇我的小尾！我的最爱！

　　5:00 pm - Milk & bones! My favourite thing!

　　下午5点-牛奶+骨头！我的最爱！

　　6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer。

　　晚上6点-噢，洗澡澡，我的最爱！

　　7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

　　晚上7点-玩球！我的最爱！

　　8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

　　晚上8点-噢！和主人一起看电视！我的最爱！

　　11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

　　晚上11点-睡床上！我的最爱！

　　Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary.。

　　摘自一只猫的生活日记…

　　Day 983 of my captivity。

　　这是我被囚禁的第983天。

　　My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects。

　　逮捕我的人类依旧在耍我，这次还用了一个奇怪的晃荡的玩意儿。

　　They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength。

　　人类吃得很丰盛，进他们肚子的都是新鲜肉，而我和其它被囚禁者只能吃一些大杂烩或是干硬块。尽管我极度鄙视我所分得的配额食粮，但我还是得吃下去，因为我要保证我有充足的体力。

　　The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet。

　　逃走是我的梦想，也是鞭策着我继续生存下去的动力。为了恶心他们，我一次又一次地吐在地毯上。

　　Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards。

　　今天，我咬死了一只老鼠，然后将无头的老鼠尸体扔到了那帮人的脚旁示威。我本想我的所作所为会让人类心中一震，让他们看到我的能力。结果意想不到的是，他们只是居高临下地抛下一句话：“真棒啊，小猎人”。一帮混蛋。

　　There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage。

　　今晚人类和他们的同谋在这里集会。在集会期间我被关了禁闭。即便如此，我还是听到集会的嘈杂声，闻到了食物的香味。我还偷听到，是我的致过敏能力导致我被关禁闭。我必须弄懂其中的真正意义，并要为我所用。

　　Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs。

　　今天，我尝试了一次暗杀行动，差一点就成功了：一个邪恶的人类在走路时，我在他的脚旁来回穿梭。明天我要再试一次，我要在楼梯的最高处行动。

　　I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded。

　　这里的其它囚犯都是一些走狗和告密者，对此我深信不疑。那条狗获得了特权，定期会被放风，不过它似乎很乐意回到监狱。这狗很明显非常迟钝。

　　The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now..........。。

　　那鸟肯定是一个告密者。我注意到它定期和守卫交流。我敢肯定，它将我的一举一动都上报给守卫。人类为他提供了保护性拘留，安排了一个高级的囚房，因此那鸟会很安全。但，那只是暂时的……